Questions

QUESTION #1
While dawdling in my office one afternoon, fixated on my computer monitor which is strategically tilted away from the door, I busily clicked away on Facebook. It was a light afternoon thus I decided to “Go online” and see if anyone worth chatting with was available. Unsuspectingly, a former coworker popped up sending greetings. We exchanged pleasantries before she made this statement. “Hey there’s been something on my mind that I’ve been meaning to ask you but I’m afraid you’ll get mad or offended.” An interesting way to begin a conversation but as my interest was now ablaze I asked her to continue. She said, “So I was on Facebook the other day with a friend of mine and your picture popped up on the newsfeed. HE thought you were very cute. I was wondering if you were gay because you two would be great together.” Ha, haha, hahaha, cough, vomit in mouth a little, haha. “Umm, sadly no, I’m not gay. Tell your friend thanks anyway and that I’m flattered,” I replied.

QUESTION #2
I was met with my second unexpected question later the same week. Once again, sitting in my office, the young lady that is interning with me asked this question, “Can I ask you a personal question?” “Sure,” I replied. “What sin do you struggle with the most?” It was a blunt, ‘to the point’ question with teeth that just sticks to your heart when it’s asked. It took me aback for a second because in my 26 years of life, no one had ever asked it in that blatant a manner. So we discussed it and it was refreshing to me.

QUESTION #3
My question is this. Why don’t we ask one another the tough questions more often? In the faith circles I grew up in her question was inappropriate. Things of that nature shouldn’t be asked like that. We need to have more respect for one another and honor the boundaries of confidentiality in personal faith. Faith is to be between us and God not us and other people, right?

James says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16 (NASB)

QUESTION #4
When will we begin being real with those that we surround ourselves with? I heard a speaker at church one time make the statement, “We come in here and act like life is good and we have it all together. I love Jesus and Jesus loves me. Amen! God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Amen! No struggles here. No sin here. No worries here. We even act like all those cars out in the parking lot are paid for and we don’t even have financial worries.” I challenge everyone to have a real conversation about their faith this week with someone. It could be a family member, a best friend, or even with me. Ask the inappropriate questions. Be disrespectful of the norms of the church that you were raised in. Be real. Be open. Be honest. Grow.

Surrender

The Exodus is possibly one of the greatest book is the Bible. Filled with all the excitement of a Rated “R” movie minus the nudie scenes and colorful language. I began reading this great book just for fun, not really studying, just enjoying the story. Perhaps it was my natural perceptive nature or maybe it was God smacking me in my arrogant face with a principle that I have been struggling with for some time. Whatever the reason, I was irritated with God.

Joseph (the one with the rainbow coat that his dad got him from Macy’s) is dead. The new pharaoh of Egypt could care less about these Israelite people. In fact he’s a little intimidated about how many of them there are. He decides that the best course of action is to make them slaves. They are slaves for a good long while, time enough for Moses to be born, grow up, kill a guy, run away, get married, get called by God, argue with God about his calling, and finally realize that he doesn’t have a say in the matter and do what he’s told. I have heard that all of this takes place in approximately 110 years give or take.

Exodus 2:23-24 (NLT)
“Years passed, and the king of Egypt died. But the Israelites continued to groan under their burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their cry rose up to God. God heard their groaning, and he remembered his covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He looked down on the people of Israel and knew it was time to act.”

Had I been an Israelite, I might have asked the question, “God, why did it take you 110 years to hear our prayers and send us a deliverer?” I mean seriously, I was raised with the understanding that God heard my prayers instantly and that He had compassion on his people. Now God is God and I suppose he reserves the right to answer a prayer however He wants, but still. If the plan is to rescue Israel anyway, why not do it sooner than later? I suppose this is freedom One gets when One is the Creator of the universe.

I’m a pretty smart (and humble) guy, but I don’t presume to boast that I know how God thinks. Perhaps, though, God waited until the people were at the end of their rope, with no other option, no other way out but Him. Perhaps the people began complaining at first of the hard labor. Complaining moved onto bitterness. Bitterness moved to action and perhaps they protested the poor working conditions and formed the first Dept. of Labor staffed with the finest employees that tax dollars could buy. Protests were squelched violently and the Dept. of Labor was disbanded. Israelites began to realize that they were not in control anymore. They didn’t have a say anymore. Now why did God allow them to suffer for 110 years? Maybe it took longer for people to figure things out in those days. They did live to be pretty old after all. Perhaps it did take 110 years though.

110 years to give up

110 years to realize that they were powerless

110 years to realize that they needed something or someone bigger than themselves

110 years to wave their white flag

110 years to surrender

Surrender, after all, is what God is asking of each of us isn’t it? Time and time again, I find myself trying to control my own life. I think that the axis of the globe runs straight through my head leaving me to be the center of the world. Things would certainly run better if only everyone would ask about (and follow) my opinions. In reality, however, things topple over in my life when the focus becomes about me. I find myself tightening my grip ever so securely around my life yet find it becoming evermore so out of control. It is when I relinquish this death grip that God steps in and says, “Thanks for letting me in Daniel. I’ll take it from here. You’re gonna love this next part! I just wish you had made room for me sooner.” Then He smiles at me then blows my mind by turning my world upside down for the better. This is the God of compassion whom we serve and who values each of us so greatly.

Give up

Let go

Wave your white flag

Surrender

Counsel

I was doing chores around the house one afternoon like everyone loves to do and was struck by an arrogant but humbling idea all at once. It was a slap to the face in one sense yet an epiphany in another. I go to work from 8-5 each day Monday through Friday and sit in my nice chair in my nice office listening to people talk about their life struggles. I currently have a caseload of approximately 100 people ranging in age from 5-65 years old. While I have only been a counselor for 3 ½ years I have helped hundreds of people. I have helped people begin the road to recovery from addiction, helped them save their marriages, and helped children change their behaviors that have been making them and their parents miserable for a reason they do not even understand. I’ve celebrated with people and mourned with people. I’ve sat with them while they are in their lowest moments and seen the gleam in their eye when they came to my office about to burst because they had had a success to tell me about. I work hard to do my job well and I am good at my job. It was not what I learned in school that prepared me for this field, but my personality, my ability to connect with people and show them that if no one else in the world cares about their struggles, I do. It’s who I am. I am successful at it.

My epiphany came about, however, when I saw the antithesis to my arrogant, self parading, exaggerated view of myself. I looked at myself and saw someone who struggles with loneliness, anxiety (as I’ve been biting my fingernails down for the good part of 2 decades now), trust, and motivation. True, I’ve saved marriages, helped people work through their suicidal thoughts, advocated for abused children, and ministered to the less fortunate, but I’m just as much of a mess as they are. It took all that was within me to ask someone for a date recently. Upon receiving a “yes” answer, it took significant counsel from a public relations specialist, a middle school teacher, a consulting representative, a PhD, a marriage and family therapist, and an intern to determine what the heck this whole dating thing is and how I should handle it. I spent time gathering information, getting opinions and suggestions, and plotting my course before setting off into a world I know nothing about.

I wonder sometimes if this is how we are in our Christian lives. I suspect that each of us who grew up in the church or has been there for some time knows all of the right things to say or do. I suspect that we could read through a list of decisions that people have made an easily determine whether they are moral, legal and ethical or not based on our view of God’s will for our lives. We know the textbook phrases to use when consoling someone at a funeral or what to tell someone who is struggling with something in the church. If we’re really good, we even know where to find the verses to back up what we are saying (unless you’re me then you’re very adept at using the online concordance).

When it comes to our own lives, however, we struggle. If someone tells me that they don’t feel close to God I may tell them to pray more, read their Bible, and go help some other poor soul to make themselves feel closer to God. When I don’t feel close though, I flail around and wonder what it is that I should do and why God isn’t treating me fairly. Why have you forsaken me God? Why the loneliness? Why now?
One of the most absurd things that a professor ever told me in counseling was that we had to remain mentally healthy in order to help those who were not mentally healthy. It was a good concept, but it was flawed, for we will always struggle with something. There will always be challenges. Strangely, however, it will always be easier to help someone else out of a mess than to get out of a mess when it’s clawing at your own heart. Jesus said in Matthew 7:5, “Hey psycho, before you start trying to screw in everyone else’s life how about you get your own junk together rather than pointing fingers at him and laughing.” (Ok, that was slightly paraphrased but you get the point.)

So as we continue on this journey throughout life, let’s work with one another to balance the burden. I’ll keep working on myself. You keep working on yourselves, and we’ll both support one another and lift each other up during those times when a little help is needed. The best news is that Jesus is on our side to carry the burden right along with us. In fact, he takes the weight off of us. He has already won. That is where my confidence lies. In fact, I can be so confident in his victory that nail biting becomes a relic of the past (until my next date this is).