Counsel

I was doing chores around the house one afternoon like everyone loves to do and was struck by an arrogant but humbling idea all at once. It was a slap to the face in one sense yet an epiphany in another. I go to work from 8-5 each day Monday through Friday and sit in my nice chair in my nice office listening to people talk about their life struggles. I currently have a caseload of approximately 100 people ranging in age from 5-65 years old. While I have only been a counselor for 3 ½ years I have helped hundreds of people. I have helped people begin the road to recovery from addiction, helped them save their marriages, and helped children change their behaviors that have been making them and their parents miserable for a reason they do not even understand. I’ve celebrated with people and mourned with people. I’ve sat with them while they are in their lowest moments and seen the gleam in their eye when they came to my office about to burst because they had had a success to tell me about. I work hard to do my job well and I am good at my job. It was not what I learned in school that prepared me for this field, but my personality, my ability to connect with people and show them that if no one else in the world cares about their struggles, I do. It’s who I am. I am successful at it.

My epiphany came about, however, when I saw the antithesis to my arrogant, self parading, exaggerated view of myself. I looked at myself and saw someone who struggles with loneliness, anxiety (as I’ve been biting my fingernails down for the good part of 2 decades now), trust, and motivation. True, I’ve saved marriages, helped people work through their suicidal thoughts, advocated for abused children, and ministered to the less fortunate, but I’m just as much of a mess as they are. It took all that was within me to ask someone for a date recently. Upon receiving a “yes” answer, it took significant counsel from a public relations specialist, a middle school teacher, a consulting representative, a PhD, a marriage and family therapist, and an intern to determine what the heck this whole dating thing is and how I should handle it. I spent time gathering information, getting opinions and suggestions, and plotting my course before setting off into a world I know nothing about.

I wonder sometimes if this is how we are in our Christian lives. I suspect that each of us who grew up in the church or has been there for some time knows all of the right things to say or do. I suspect that we could read through a list of decisions that people have made an easily determine whether they are moral, legal and ethical or not based on our view of God’s will for our lives. We know the textbook phrases to use when consoling someone at a funeral or what to tell someone who is struggling with something in the church. If we’re really good, we even know where to find the verses to back up what we are saying (unless you’re me then you’re very adept at using the online concordance).

When it comes to our own lives, however, we struggle. If someone tells me that they don’t feel close to God I may tell them to pray more, read their Bible, and go help some other poor soul to make themselves feel closer to God. When I don’t feel close though, I flail around and wonder what it is that I should do and why God isn’t treating me fairly. Why have you forsaken me God? Why the loneliness? Why now?
One of the most absurd things that a professor ever told me in counseling was that we had to remain mentally healthy in order to help those who were not mentally healthy. It was a good concept, but it was flawed, for we will always struggle with something. There will always be challenges. Strangely, however, it will always be easier to help someone else out of a mess than to get out of a mess when it’s clawing at your own heart. Jesus said in Matthew 7:5, “Hey psycho, before you start trying to screw in everyone else’s life how about you get your own junk together rather than pointing fingers at him and laughing.” (Ok, that was slightly paraphrased but you get the point.)

So as we continue on this journey throughout life, let’s work with one another to balance the burden. I’ll keep working on myself. You keep working on yourselves, and we’ll both support one another and lift each other up during those times when a little help is needed. The best news is that Jesus is on our side to carry the burden right along with us. In fact, he takes the weight off of us. He has already won. That is where my confidence lies. In fact, I can be so confident in his victory that nail biting becomes a relic of the past (until my next date this is).