Pressure

I was presented with the question today of whether our motives in doing something determine our stress level. I think that it is a valid question, one worth looking into. If we feel like we “should” do something or “have to” do something then it creates a sense of expectation within us. Too many expectations or expectations in the wrong arena create stress.

For example, kids of divorced families often feel like they are the ones that caused their parents to break up and by that same logic, they are the ones responsible for getting their parents back together. This often manifests itself in anger, sadness, or behaviorally acting out. This pressure on children is nearly overwhelming and we see the children begin to crumble under the false sense of urgency that they’ve created within themselves; a negative situation which was not even their fault to begin with.

Adults do it too, however, don’t we? Am I fighting to be successful in life for practical purposes or am I trying to prove something to someone else or even to myself?

“My mom had a lot of issues with depression and codependency when I was a kid and wasn’t a great mother. I have to be the perfect mom to my kids to prove that I’m not like her and that I can do it better.”

OR

“”I don’t get it all right all the time but I love my family and I want to raise my kids the best I know how.”

Which scenario creates more pressure on this mother? The first mom has some battles from her past that she needs to fight it sounds like. She is setting herself up for a life of failure and unhappiness. The pressure she’s enduring to prove something to herself will become unbearable.

“I think it would be fun to have a really nice ski boat to take the family out on the lake on.”

OR

“My buddy James at work has a sweet Mastercraft boat and he and his family seem happier than mine. If I could only have a boat too then it might improve my family’s closeness.”

Sounds like this second guy might have a case of “Keeping up with the Jones” mixed with some feelings of low self esteem about himself as a father. Bitterness and resentment is likely to creep its way into his life at some point if he doesn’t live up to his own expectations.

So if you find yourself feeling overly stressed or bad about something you “should have done” “should do” or “must do” then ask yourself what your motives are for doing it. Perhaps a shift in focus will relieve some of that self inflicted pressure and you’ll find that you are just as satisfied with yourself just the way things are.

Blue Like Jazz the Movie

Life is a journey.

You're right, that's completely cliche, but it’s also true. Not a single one of us has arrived with all the knowledge and the wisdom to live life perfected. Life is messy. People are broken.

I have a lot of friends that I consider very close. There are also others, perhaps greater in number, who I cannot stand to be in the presence of. The one thing we all have in common, however, is that none of us have it all figured out. We’re in the middle of a process.

I had the esteemed privilege tonight, thanks to a good friend, to attend the premier screening of Blue Like Jazz the Movie. I am writing this a mere hour after leaving the theater. The movie is superb in so many ways, I’ll begin by saying that you simply must see it for yourself.

“But Daniel, I’ve seen those hokey Christian movies before and they’re a joke.” I wouldn’t call this a “Christian movie” though. While it deals with many themes surrounding religion and faith, the movie holds up Authenticity as one of the primary themes to the audience.

Whether you consider yourself Christian, Spiritual, Agnostic, Atheist, or none of the above, this movie will draw you in and evoke serious self introspection while doing so in a relaxed, entertaining, fun way. It will reach each person uniquely because each of us is living out a different story with different plotlines. No matter what your belief background, there’s an emptiness inside each of us at some point in our lives where we’re searching for something.

Blue Like Jazz the Movie took me back to that time in my life where I was searching for who I was and where I fit in. It reminded me that others who seem so different from me are actually quite similar to me after all. We’re all just trying to figure this thing out. I’m dragging my life-baggage around with me and they’re doing the same. At certain points in our lives our stories collide oftentimes resulting in either disaster or resolve. It is in these collisions where the dramatic changes take place. Blue Like Jazz the Movie is the story of one of these collisions.

Whether you are single, dating, married, young adult, college-aged, working, unemployed, mid-life, teenage, or the others, make this a must see when it comes out April 13, 2012. You’ll be glad you did. If you have questions or want more info then feel free to contact me and I would love to share more of my story and perhaps hear some of yours.