Goodness

"In the midst of pain, the real question is ‘God are you good?'"
-Lloyd Shadrach…Fellowship Bible Church-Brentwood, TN

As if I were intentionally mimicking a sardine in its oily can, I sat in church Sunday morning and awkwardly tried to cross my legs to have some sense of relief through movement. Today's topic, The Fall of Mankind. I listened intently as I was struck by much of what was said and the connection that I had to all of humanity in its brokenness.

Genesis 3 gives the reader the sense that this is the demise of mankind; a quick ending to the story before is really even gets started. It is an interesting passage, one that we sometimes study, but rarely feel the depth and severity of. To every good story, there exists a hero, a villain, a crisis, and a resolution. Genesis 3 presents humanity at perhaps its lowest point. The hero is introduced as the Creator and like a slap to the face the villain and the crisis arise together in Genesis 3 as humanity plunges into darkness. Luckily for humanity, however, the hero is inexorable and inescapable. The God of Creation begins the fight to bring humanity back. The story is epic and as in all stories of goodness and adventure, the hero comes out victorious.

By God's very nature, He must be glorified. God exists and creates everything to glorify Him. It is all of creation's job to bring glory to Him. The rocks, trees, sky, and animals all glorify God by doing what they are created to do. When a fish swims it glorifies God. When a tree blows in the breeze it glorifies God. When a river flows it glorifies God. All three of these are doing what God intend for them to do and thus bring Him glory.

Humanity is also created to glorify God. Humanity is different though. The fish, trees, and rivers are not given a choice about whether they may glorify God or not. Their purpose is already set and there is no decision on their part. This is not so with humanity; with us.

God creates with great power in Genesis 1. He creates solely by speaking. He speaks it and it is. It is all good in the beginning except for man's aloneness. Next, God provides for man in Genesis 2 by creating him a helpmate. As our story progresses we meet a surprising change in Genesis 3, however. The natural consequence of God's power and provision should be worship. Glorifying God.

Power + Provision ≠ Worship, however.

We become skewed.
We change lanes.
We spiral downward.
We crash.

Humanity realizes that there is another option. Humanity chooses rebellion. God says, "I created you. I love you. You are very good. I have a plan for you and I will do great things with you." Humanity believes a lie. Although God provides completely, humanity wants to find its own path, its own way. Humanity's way does not work.

Genesis 4 through Revelation 20 demonstrates God's relentless love and goodness in bringing His people back. God presents another option, not a Plan B, but a new way for humanity to re-choose. Through Christ, God offers us an on ramp back onto the right road; into the right direction perhaps. Through God's indescribable love, He shows humanity that we can trust his goodness, his love, and his provision. He invites humanity into His eternal delight in us.

Why all of the turmoil though? Why did God not create humanity like a fish, tree, or river? If God is as good as He says He is then why allow the pain? It's a messy question with an even messier answer. Through giving humanity a choice God risked rejection. He risked having his most cherished part of creation choose to live life apart from Him. If given a choice, however, creation can also choose to live with God. By giving humanity a choice God is showing his love.

Love in Choice

So how does one reconcile the pain and suffering in the world with God's goodness? Our faith is only as strong as our conviction that God is good. Left to ourselves, humanity is fallen and broken. Humanity cannot look at itself alone and see the goodness of God. The only basis humanity has for knowing that God is good is the cross. A God who would die to self and take the burden upon Himself to bring humanity back is a God who is none else but pure goodness and delight.

A redeemed humanity is more innocent that an unfallen humanity because a redeemed humanity has surrendered to its Creator and has chosen the gift of love that the Creator so joyfully offers. This is eternal and unfailing goodness.

Grief

Grief is something that everyone will struggle with at some point in his or her life. I have a unique perspective on grief and grief recovery as I find myself stuck in between psychology and theology. On the one hand, I am a therapist helping people work through their grief, but on the other I am a Christian who knows that there is a greater purpose in life and in death that not one of us can fully understand. Just recently, I was approached by an individual who has been plagued by the death of a child. The emotion and the turmoil were evident by the droves of tears that cascaded down his face. This individual’s guilt, hopelessness, and helplessness were almost overwhelming. Upon discovering this client on my schedule I consulted with other mental health professionals about the best way to handle this situation. It was interesting when all mentioned separately that connecting the bereaved with a local faith organization was central to promote healing.

American society prides itself on its adeptness at achieving and overcoming. Children are taught from birth to succeed and push forward. “Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” some have said. There comes a point, however, when the pain is so present and so real that no amount of self-will will allow a person to jump the hurdle that confronts that person in life. This is the point where a person must look beyond him or herself and find healing through others or through someone more powerful than any mortal man. This is when a person is humbled and falls upon their knees praying for relief from God who gives graciously.

Perhaps a person’s character may be measured by where he or she turns when testing comes. Money, power, authority, and stability all may provide comfort for a short time, but it is when the real struggles are upon us that we see where we ultimately put our trust. All of the therapy, the antidepressants, and the heart to heart talks with loved ones will help with those painful feelings, but faith in a God that is greater than death will ultimately heal.

So often when facing a grieving person, it’s difficult to know what to say. While this is certainly not the time to cram religion down someone’s throat (not that anytime is a good time to do that) a thoughtful card reminding the person that prayers are being offered in their name may be helpful. Perhaps even praying with the grief stricken person may be helpful. Prayer is a powerful and when at our lowest our connection with God will raise us up. He is many things to many people, but He is Healer to all.

The A.C.T.S. of Prayer

What is prayer?

How should a person pray?

Is there even a correct way to pray?

Each person's prayer style is unique to that individual. Perhaps the term "prayer" means different things to different people. While watching the news one might hear a person say, “All we can do now is pray.” This would be a prayer of need and humility recognizing that someone is powerless to change a situation. Others might take a more traditional view of prayer such as an older silver haired gentleman standing in front of his church reciting an almost rote prayer complete with “thee” and “thy” as if he lived in the time of King James himself. His prayer is full of reverence and honor for God. Still others might speak to God as if God were a close friend, more of a conversational approach.

It is interesting to note the different ways and styles that people look to the Father though prayer. What is more interesting, perhaps amazing even, is that God hears all of these styles and responds to each one in a specific way. God can be a person’s helper and healer, a person’s strong almighty Father, and a person’s friend depending on what that person needs at that particular time. As we live our lives and we change from one season of life to the next, we need God in different ways. We grow and mature physically and so does our faith. It would almost seem strange to us to hear a 50 year old praying the same prayer as a 3 year old. God can respond to each season of life and each person uniquely, however.

It is important to remember that communication with God is a privilege, a gift that God has given humanity to be able to approach Him with anything and have the confidence that He can handle it. It is easy at times to get into a rut of prayer. One rut that is easy to fall into is that of only talking to God when times are tough or when a need arises. Some call this a “Genie in a Bottle Prayer.” God is looked at as a genie that is there to grant his people’s wishes and the people in turn look at prayer as rubbing the lamp to get the genie to pop out. While God does invite his people to ask him for their needs and wants, solely praying this type of prayer shows immaturity and perhaps even selfishness. Suppose a person had a friend who only called or came to visit when he or she wanted something. That relationship would be viewed as somewhat shallow. So it is with our relationship with God.

One way that a person can begin to form a more “balanced” prayer life and begin to be more conversational with God is to use a prayer model. THE A.C.T.S. model is widely known and used and may be helpful when trying to begin to pray in different ways.

“A” stands for Adoration. This is the time in the prayer when a person wants to praise God simply for who God is. “God you are mighty, holy, and all knowing,” is an example of a prayer of adoration. This is a time when the person praying can address God in any way he or she feels inclined to do. If a person has experienced God as “Father” then he or she might wish to praise God in that way. If God has recently helped a person overcome a struggle in his or her life then he or she might wish to praise and adore God as helper and healer.

“C” stands for Confession. So often with confession a person might get caught up in beating themselves up spiritually or emotionally. This is not what confession is for. Confession is a person’s time for owning what he or she has done. “God, I really blew it this time when I lied to my manager at work to get out of trouble,” is an example of confession. Oftentimes, churches view confession as punishment. A person must confess and then take the beating that he or she has coming to him or her. This is not what scripture teaches about confession, however. Just as a child is taught honesty and owning up to his or her mistakes, so to God wants each child of his to take responsibilities for deeds done wrong.

“T” stands for Thanksgiving. One of the most commonly forgotten parts of prayer might be thanksgiving. A person might pray and pray fervently for a need and then when God fulfills that need, that person forgets to go back and thank God for his intervention. God wants each of his children to be grateful for the gifts He has provided. Thanksgiving should be a central part of each person’s prayer life.

“S” stands for Supplication. Supplication simply means asking God for what is needed. As stated earlier, God wants each person to come to Him and in humility admit that he or she is not strong enough to deal with life in isolation. Each person needs God’s intervention at times throughout life to simply go on. Whether it is a concern over a medical problem, a child who has made a poor decision, or a job loss, God wants his people to ask Him for help.

God is a God that lives in and has walked among His people. He is a God of relationships and of connection. Prayer is certainly the easiest and most natural ways of communicating with the Creator. Through petition and supplication, thanksgiving, confession, and adoration, each person’s connection is secure knowing that God hears each and every one.

Hope

How does one define hope? It’s a simple yet profound question. In light of the recent disaster in Haiti and as we continue to see the ongoing war in the Middle East many might define hope differently. The Haitian people might define hope differently than the soldier’s families back in the States. Perhaps their hope is the same, they just hope for different things. The people of Haiti hope for relief from pain and suffering. They might hope for food, for shelter, or even for water. The family of a soldier in the Middle East might hope for a letter, a phone call, and more than anything to be reunited with a loved one. Some might just be hoping to survive the workday until 5pm so they can go home for the weekend.

The English language is one that is complex and confusing. It utilizes the same word for many various meanings. For instance, someone can love a Big Mac but can also love a child or a spouse. While it is the same word, the meaning varies drastically. The word hope can be used in the same way. A person might say, “I hope our team wins tonight,” but might also say, “I hope the test comes back negative for cancer cells.” It is the same word, but one is much more serious and much stronger than the other. Often, when our culture and society uses the word hope, it is presented with the connotation of a wavering uncertainty. A certain event might happen or it might not. There is a feeling that the possibility is still up in the air. How is the word hope used in the context of faith in God though?

The word hope appears in scripture approximately 146 times. It is used in various contexts and in many different ways. Of all the books of the Bible, Psalms has the most examples of the use of the word hope. Throughout the Psalms, however, the word hope has a meaning attached to it that is considerably different that one might see it in everyday speech of our American culture. The writers of the Psalms give the reader a sense of certainty and concreteness when using the word hope. Hope is something that, through faith and belief, a person can put all of his or her weight on. Right now, it is wintertime. Some might walk onto a frozen lake saying, “I hope the ice holds.” The biblical definition of hope, however, entails that the ice will hold and that there is certainty in the ice. The ice will not crack. It is strong enough and it will hold.

God is that kind of hope. When a person hopes in God then there is a certainty in that relationship that the ice will hold. God has no cracks. He is strong enough to handle anything that is thrown at him. A person can put his or her weight upon God and have confidence that He will not crumble. He has always been, always is, and always will be. He was, is, and is to come. No matter who is president, what natural disaster may befall us, or where there is a war raging, hope is stability. It is stability in a God that rescues and withstands the test of time.

Harbor

I don’t know why I’m typing this. Consider it free written, the art of writing nothing but finding meaning in it in one’s own mind. Perhaps the swirls of my mind will eventually flow into a river headed in one direction. I feel as if confusion has set in like a fog on an ocean harbor. The ships in port are stuck sitting impatiently like a road waiting for some weary traveler to pass by on foot and pay it some attention. The ships outside of the safe waters dare not cross into them for fear that some treacherous object lie in wait to shred their sturdy but fragile hulls. Being adrift at sea must feel like the ultimate loneliness. I say that it “must” because I have never been adrift at sea. I’ve actually never been out to sea on a boat.

I once watched a show where a guy skilled in wilderness survival intentionally put himself in the worst case scenario situations and showed the viewing audience how to live for a week or so. In one episode, he put himself on a life raft in the middle of the Caribbean ocean. It was sort of boring compared to the other episodes because he only had about 10 square feet to move around in for the hour long episode. He would eat some vacuum sealed hot dogs and then tell me how I could collect fresh water from the condensation on a tarp. He would then vomit up the hot dogs from sea sickness and tell me some more about the dangers of dehydration.

Being adrift at sea would scare me. The fear in me might lie primarily in the fact that I had no clue where I was. I like to know where I’m going and how long it’ll be before I get there. When I got a job out of college that required me driving into some pretty shady neighborhood, I went out and quickly bought a GPS. Sure, everyone has one now, but I had one before they were all the rage. This was an impulse buy that turned out to be a lifesaver. The $98 Express black pants that I bought 8 years ago were an impulse buy that I regret. It’s funny because as I write this, I look to my left where my high school and undergraduate diplomas hang on the wall with their precisely matted edges and shiny black frames. What’s funny is this, after each diploma I felt lost for a period of time. “If only I could graduate,” I thought to myself, “I would have some direction and know the answers.” Sadly no, my diplomas did not give me good directions, only more questions. So I sit here tonight and ponder what to do with a Master’s degree, the diploma that proudly hangs up high in my office at work. This piece of paper seems as of late to slowly be fading into uselessness for me.

Having had the world by the tail for approximately 6 months after graduation, I now find myself slowly slumping back into my ever receding trust and reliance on my own efforts. I find myself being slowly pulled back away from effort, productivity, hard work, and toiling yet pulled into an ever growing relationship with He who can give me the answers.

I just finished reading “The Shack” by William P. Young a delightful theological narrative about a father’s struggle to find meaning in disaster. One of my favorite quotes which I write below gives me hope and reminds me of that which I often forget: "Religion is about having the right answers, and some of their answers are right. But [Jesus is] about the process that takes you to the living answer and once you get to him, he will change you from the inside." How clearly that statement rings true. My struggle strangely does not lie with religion. Quite honestly I gave up on the organized, politicized, entity of religion several years ago. What I refuse to give up on is the healing nature of Christ and the fact that when I am in the clearest of mental states is when I am in the deepest of relationships with Him.

It’s been approximately 6 weeks since I’ve prayed. That may sound absurd for many of you. Some it may seem absurd because you have far surpassed my 6 week mark of prayerlessness. Some may be amazed that I could go that long without praying. I having been faced with a complex set of relationship issues this past week however, has brought me back to me knees in search of something, anything, that might make sense out of the frustration and pain. It’s so easy to forget Him when success seems inexhaustible yet it’s easier than this still when we crumble and come humbling ourselves asking for mercy from the darkness that seeps in.

So here I sit on the 3rd floor of an apartment building in a suburb of Nashville thinking about why His arms are outstretched to me yet I slowly back away ever so often and say, “Hey, thanks for the support, healing, and direction but I’m going to try it on my own for awhile. You just hang here. I’ll holler if I need a hand.” I stereotypically trot out on my own and then come limping back begging for a hug.

Here lies a false sense of control. I want to captain my own ship “with all the rights, privileges and honors thereunto appertaining” but also desire the security of knowing that when the storm hits, there’s a safe harbor to dock in wherever I go with a Captain who knows the way in and will guide me. So as the workplace becomes more unstable, as relationships become more complex and confusing, and as the questions get stranger and more untidy it’s comforting to know that I can “stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all.”

It is in this God that I put my hope in and have faith that the answer lies with Him and not within me. It is here I can be certain that while the pain is still present and the confusion ever looms in a dark cloud overhead the arms are outstretched saying, “I AM.”

Family

This morning, Christmas morning, has always been a time of family togetherness for me. I arose this Christmassy morning to Christmassy smells and a Christmassy gray sky in Nashville, TN. It was unusually warm for December 25th, 55 degrees when I awoke although the outside air looked damp, the moisture having survived the early winter thunderstorm the night before. I walked downstairs where my mom and dad were already awake and active doing such important things as folding clothes and focused intently on doing next to nothing. My mom hugs me and says, "Did we wake you up?" This is a typical morning greeting in the Crosby family. "Good morning" followed usually by "Did I wake you up" seemingly in search of a reason to apologize. This morning the typical greeting was issued with a "Merry Christmas" stuck in the mix for good cheer. I sat down in the brown recliner as Nancy Spencer from Channel 4 was telling me that it would be cloudy today. I turned me head slightly to the left and looked out the window confirming her diagnosis of the day ahead as if she were looking to me for reassurance that she had made the right call.

At this point an idea sparked in my head. This is a morning that calls for a fire in the fireplace! How delightful that would be on this Christmas morning. The semi-cool outside air, a gray sky, the quiet morning with the twinkling lights on the tree, the smell of cinnamon rolls in the oven upstairs. Only one problem lay in my path to a near perfect Christmas scene. We don't have a fireplace. So I chose the next best thing. I clicked the ONDemand button on the TV and found the 47 minute recording of a fireplace fire. On mom and dad's 55" LCD HDTV my fire was brilliantly blazing in moments. We sat and ooo’d and ahhh’d at it for 15-20 minutes or so delighted at how wonderful this technology was. After I was toasty warm in spirit I decided to grab a quick shower before my brother arose to begin the circus of the presenting of the gifts.

Presents came and went and all were delighted by their exchange of getting and receiving their annual colorful packages filled with untold treasures nearly all of these decided upon by the receiver some weeks prior. At this point, my dear mother bestows the news that "someone" would need to go get grandmama for Christmas lunch. Not a burden at all but the normal act is staged with moans and groans before my brother and I get up and begin getting ready to go. Lunch was wonderful as usual with the traditions of our favorite dishes prepared with love and very few low fat ingredients. Then it is on to visiting and good talk and good fun as we sat and talked about everything under the sun, swapping old embarrassing stories as well as new political frustrations.

These traditions and the very memories from years past are part of a family. They make the holiday even if there are no presents, no 55" LCD HDTV, or in our case, no fireplace.

Family is a strange entity, something that we neither choose nor can we change. Most of our families did not ask if we cared to join them. We didn’t go to Wal-Mart and pick out our family. Our family just is. For some, family is something that lifts us up and makes us think of warmth and caring. For others it conjures up thoughts of frustration, bickering, or even abandonment. Most of us probably fall somewhere in the middle, neither liking nor hating all parts of our family experience.

So what do we consider family? I had a friend recently embark upon a spat of vast irrational proportion with his father. This spat turned into hurtful words which turned into hurtful actions and these have yet to be reconciled. Having tried to reason with the friend and quickly given up, I learned something about family. He stated to me, "Those people," referring to his mother, father, and sister, "are not my family anymore." "Family is what has your back when times get tough; that sticks with you through thick and thin. Family is what you can lean on when you need something." While I agree with him somewhat, I think family can sometimes be more than that. He described the positive side of the family, what a fully functioning healthy family should look like. Which of us has ever truly seen a fully functioning healthy perfect family? Family can also be people who have hurt us yet we stay the course and are the bigger person because they are family. True, there are family members whom we would just assume send back to the stork and get our money back. While they make the hair on the back of our neck stand up sometimes, and infuriate us to no end sometimes, they are still family.

I gave the eulogy at the second family funeral in less than 6 months last weekend. As my great aunt had passed away suddenly one of her sons quickly began planning the arrangements for the service. There had apparently been a family spat nearly 20 years prior between my great aunt and her other son. This other son, while having been informed of his mother’s death, did not even attend her funeral service. Whether he liked it or not. Whether he had hard feelings or not, this is family and family comes together through thick and thin even when we don't like each other. This is what family is all about. This is what family does. It looks past differences and comes back together even through the frustrations and past history. Family is something that you can get away from geographically but can’t ever escape genetically and biologically. Family is blood. We are in and of one another. Connected.

While family may change throughout the years as marriages and children come into the mix it does remain stable in the fact that it is always there. The good with the bad. The fun with the frustration. Family is there to stay. "Blood is thicker than water" they say. I don’t know who said that but it makes me wonder who “they” are and why they chose water. Blood is thicker than a lot of things really. It's thicker than orange juice and also milk I think. It might depend on if it's whole milk or not though. Most of our families probably have real psychological problems lying within them somewhere, but these irritants are part of what make family.....family.

As I sit writing this on Christmas night, mom lies in the recliner beside me proudly wrapped in her new Snuggie snoring loudly (it's true mama, you were). Dad sits to my right on his couch watching The Untouchables, one of his TV Series from the 60's. Another Christmas is done. There are no presents underneath the tree behind me and the presents that once made it their home waiting for their chance to reveal their treasures will one day be broken and outdated making way for new and most likely more expensive surprises. Family is right where they are supposed to be though. The family exists and goes on through generation after generation. The irritants, the joys, the celebrations. Stability in tradition. Stability and connectedness in blood. “Where are you from” we commonly ask when meeting for the first time? If the relationship grows and lasts, most surely the conversation will turn from “Where are you from” to “Who are you from?” This is what matters. This is where we connect.

Hugs

I really like hugs.

I don’t hug much...but would like to do it more often.

I think it began in middle school when I thought it wasn’t cool for guys to hug.

NOTE: This is normal.

After I finished that phase I slowly moved into my high school phase where it was awkward to hug girls because none of them knew I existed.

NOTE: Hugging air does not have the same emotional effect as hugging another human being. NOTE²: I’m not sure if this is normal or not.

From then until about 3 years ago, I went through the phase where it was awkward because of my size. At 6’1” I still struggle to understand why people insist on hugging me around the neck. This is a difficult and an awkward task for me. I’m forced to bend over at a strange angle so someone can reach my neck all the while reaching my arms out under theirs and trying to reciprocate the hug. Let’s just be rational about our hugs folks. I’m taller than you. You go underneath and I’ll go above. It’s just better this way.

NOTE: If you are larger than 6’1” then I will go underneath.

Then I went to graduate school where I was forbidden to hug. Yes, that’s correct, NO HUGGING ALLOWED! Ok, at least not in my professional career. The faculty quickly informed us that hugging was a breach of client/therapist boundaries and that therapists had been sued for hugging their clients. I decided to go the extra mile and just not touch anyone. There’s one client, a mentally retarded 9 year old girl who insists on giving me a “Big ‘ol papa bear hug” every time I see her and saying, “See you later alligator” as she picks me up off the ground before leaving.

NOTE: If I get sued by a mentally retarded 9 year old girl then I have larger problems than a lawsuit, like my friends who will make fun of me for the rest of my life....for getting sued by a mentally retarded 9 year old girl...for hugging.

A hug can say:

I love you

I’m sorry

I’m hurting

I’m excited

I’m happy for you

Hello

Goodbye

You’re about to get lucky

I would like to get lucky

Thank you

Please

I missed you

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.

There’s something about human touch that just makes you feel warm inside. There’s a connection when you can feel another person and they can feel you. Hospital workers say again and again that when someone is near death sometimes their last sense to go is touch. They can still feel a pat on the hand or a kiss on the forehead. Human touch is a powerful force.

When I think out the power of touch I think about Jesus and when he healed the man with leprosy.

Leprosy as we all remember from our historically accurate summer VBS skits was when a guy from church spread white quilt batting over his arms and rubbed hot dog condiments into it in order to make it look as disgusting as possible. As real as a portrayal as that was, actual leprosy involves nerve damage to the skin to the point where the skin forms lesions and rots away sometimes even causing whole body parts to autoamputate.

A leper was ostracized and forced to live outside of town apart from his or her family and friends for fear of further spread of the disease. You had to constantly be reminded of your illness and loneliness by yelling “Unclean” Unclean! when passersby came along the road so that they knew you were a leper and could stay away. This disease was not only physically debilitating, but also emotionally destructive as well.

Back to Jesus. So here’s a man in front of him who has first of all done something completely socially unacceptable. He is in Jesus’ presence. As this leper walks up in the middle of a crowd and through tears begs Jesus to heal him, you can imagine the screams and shrieks of those jumping away from him. What does Jesus do though? Jesus touches the man and says, “I am willing to heal you. Be clean.”

Jesus touches him.

A leper

Could Jesus have just as easily done this miracle without touching him? Of course. But Jesus knew that there was something about being touched. Jesus knew that this man had likely not been touched in weeks, months, years, possibly even decades. Jesus not only gave this man his health back, but gave him something more. Jesus showed him love.

Love

After all, love is ultimately what touch is all about right?

Handshakes

Pats on the back

Noogies

Slaps on the butt (for football players only please)

Oh yeah, and hugs.

Go hug somebody.

NOTE TO THE READER: Aside from clients (Except for mentally retarded 9 year old girls) and lepers (I am not the LORD) I am currently accepting hugs of all shapes and sizes the next time we meet in person.