Parallels

Who doesn’t love a good romance story? Well, probably a lot of people. Stereotypically guys don’t care for them much, but most guys secretly do enjoy them I believe. I know a lady who said that her husband loves to watch them with her because he knows he’s going to get lucky afterwards. Having taken part in my own quasi-romance story, I have discovered an interesting parallel between this human relationship and our relationship with God.

My relationship started as most do, with a glance. The glance turned into a greeting which turned into flirting which turned into a date which turned into dating. I treated this woman like a queen. Flowers, cards, cooked meals, back rubs, kindness, quality time, the whole bit. I had done everything that I knew to do to make this woman feel special; to show her how I felt. To many, I would have been the ultimate boyfriend. I am even a good listener for goodness sakes (I am a counselor after all).

About 2 months in she reciprocated my affection in her own way by informing me that we should just be friends. I was crushed. It had been 4 years since I had had anything more than the proverbial nibble when it came to someone showing interest in me. How could this be? I gave it my all!

It is heart breaking to give your all to something only to have it completely and utterly rejected. It would be one thing to be rejected if I had done something wrong like lying or cheating (I did neither mind you), but to just be rejected just because, it’s shattering.

This relationship, or lack thereof, made me think about my relationship with God. I gave nothing to this woman in comparison to what God has given to me. God says to me, I can give you life at its best. I want a relationship with you. Your life won’t be perfect while you’re on earth, but let’s walk this journey together, side by side. God says, I will dote on you and give you more than you’ll ever need. I chose you and called you by name and I love you.

Then that uncomfortable scene in the movie takes place. It’s the scene in the movie when the guy professes his love for the girl. She looks at the ground awkwardly before looking up and saying that she does not feel the same.

God professes his love for me and I look back and say “Thanks God, you know, I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you and stuff, but I just want to be friends right now. It’s not you. It’s me. I mean, you’re a great God and all I just think I’m not ready for something serious right now. Maybe I’ll see you every Sunday for an hour at church or something. I hope this won’t make it awkward for us.”

God is perfect. He didn’t lie or cheat. His only crime was giving me a taste of what the wonders of life inside a relationship with Him would be like. This relationship would be different from the one I offered this young lady. This relationship would be for eternity; one day bringing me to heaven to live fully in His presence. Yet when offered eternity, oftentimes I tell God that I just want to be friends. I reject God’s offer. I break His heart. My excuses are many. I have a lot going on. Work, activities, friends, activities with friends from work. I’ll give God a piece of my time just like everything else gets but not all of me. I won’t let him into the deepest parts of me.

This brings about conflict because God in his essence demands to have all of me. “We are his people the sheep of his pasture.” We belong to God. God loves me unconditionally and jealously. He will have no other person or thing before himself when it comes to filling up my hearts.

So I must choose. If I am like my “friend” I will choose to be separated; living life outside of a relationship with God. God, out of love will let me go but never stop loving me.

If I look toward God, though, and say ‘yes’ to Him, then He invites me into a relationship…

so amazing

so wonderful

so deep

so pure

…that nothing will ever compare to it.

God is smitten with you and with me. He has already chosen you. Will you choose Him back?

Alone

It’s nearly 9pm as I sit on my 3rd floor balcony in Nashville. My apartment is about as close to the interstate as you can get. I hear the big trucks flying by every so often accompanied by the higher pitched buzz of cars weaving in and out of traffic. I look out and see the light pollution of downtown Nashville and see a couple of planes in the near distance beginning their decent into Nashville International.

Why is it still called Nashville “International” by the way? We having nothing even close to an international flight anymore. My guess is that it would cost too much to change all of the signs. Those signs are bigger than you think you k now?

The blinking lights in the sky make me wonder, though, about who all sits in those cramped little seats entering our fair city. Some are on business, some are coming to see family, some are locals just coming back home. What lies in store for them though?

Families waiting for them at home?

Empty hotel room?

Wives, husbands, kids, girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, friends

My dad used to go on business trips. Sometimes to Germany, sometimes to Pennsylvania. Even as a boy I remember seeing the people getting off the airplane (back when you could meet people at the gate). Some people would get off and have people there to meet them. They would embrace and smile as their eyes met. Others would get off and turn walking alone to get their bag and then off to their destination. Even as an 11 year old I found myself feeling bad for these people that did not have anyone to meet them. Now that I’m older I realize that they probably were going home to a wife or kids but it seemed so lonely at the time.

Have you ever had one of those nights when you were alone and the aloneness was overwhelming. Maybe you were even surrounded by people and felt alone. Sitting in a suburban neighborhood with thousands of people within a mile of you, seeing the excitement of the lights downtown , the hustle and bustle going on around you, yet you are alone.

I have this completely irrational fear that I have only told a handful of people in my life. Everyone has seen those movies when the world is coming to an end and everyone abandons a major city. There always follows that scene where the camera pans through the streets and it is completely quiet and there is debris and loose paper blowing around. One of my greatest fears is waking up and being the only person walking through those streets. Complete and utter aloneness.

My mind races and makes it worse when I imagine walking through the streets and there being people walking toward me in those yellow bio hazard suits. If that ever happened then I would likely have to change my underwear. There’s something about knowing you’re alone and then it getting worse by realizing that you’re not alone but that there has been some nuclear or biological catastrophe that you’re apart of. Either way, you are pretty much screwed and by yourself in one way or another.

Sometimes when I’m lonely I feel very small. I feel insignificant and outnumbered. I feel like no one knows where I am at in life and what I’m going through. I feel like I’ve just gotten off the plane and there’s no one there to meet me and no one who is going to be happy to see me when I get home. Occasionally in my pity party, these verses will pop into my head and give me hope.

Matthew 10:29-31 NIV
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

“Thanks God for that little reminder. I sometimes forget how much you value me and how you always know where I am [even if it’s all alone in a city that has undergone a nuclear or biological disaster]. You never sleep, never slow down, you always pursue me. Even when I try to run away from you I am always running toward you for wherever I am, there you are as well. Give me a sense of your presence in those times when I doubt; when I forget how vast, how wide, and how deep your love is for me.”

Depravity

One of the pastors at my church made this statement: “If you don’t believe in the depravity of mankind, then go down the hall and sit in on the 2 year old Sunday school class for awhile.” The congregation laughed when he said it. My first thought was, “What exactly is depravity?” I had heard the word thrown around in my conservative church home growing up, but the problem with many of those loyal church words is that we don’t know what they even mean. I knew depravity was not a good thing and it probably had to do with sin because my church was totally into teaching about all the things that we were NOT allowed to do in this life. We were the “Church of Don’t.” Don’t have sex, don’t drink alcohol, don’t dance, don’t bother others with your problems at church, etc. So we would all come together on Sunday mornings and celebrate the fact that we had spent a week doing nothing. I assumed depravity had to do with people that went out and did things during the week. I Googled it and the definition was as follows: “Marked by corruption or evil.”

How are two year olds “marked by corruption or evil,” I thought to myself. Then I met a two year old and it all made sense. Attempting to play with this young chap was a learning experience for me. Our playtime began with him throwing a temper tantrum complete with spitting, red face, screaming, kicking, hitting, crying, throwing things, etc. The reason for this outburst? The pajamas he wanted to wear were dirty and he had to wear another set. In about 60 seconds after the temper tantrum was over and he had completely forgotten what he was upset about, play resumed. It involved him picking up one of his 3700 toys and throwing it around. I thought I would join in and select a toy to play with as well. I selected my toy, a hammer than makes construction noise when it hits something. Immediately, crying resumed as the hammer was violently yanked from my hands followed by a stern eye to eye glare from the 2 year old with the following statement, “MINE!” He took the hammer and laid it on the floor and went on playing with his other toys. I was speechless. It was funny in a certain twisted sense, but so irrational in another.

The depravity of mankind now made more sense to me. I have always wondered why sin was so natural for me. The question was posed to me in college: “Why do we sin so easily?” The simple answer is that sin if fun. I like doing things that I like to do. Many thoughts/activities/attitudes that are not good for me are still fun to do. From the day we are born we encounter sin and selfishness. A person trained by sinners is likely to be a sinner himself. Now for you Original Sin proponents and opponents this discussion is not that discussion. I’m not discussing whether we are born sinful or not. I’m simply stating that from birth, human beings want what they want when they want it. I’m hungry, I want my bottle NOW! I’m angry so I’m going to hit you because it makes me feel better NOW! Perhaps sin and selfishness are synonymous. Try to think of a sin that does not stem from selfishness. It’s nearly impossible to do.

Thus, from early in life we have a selfish nature. The psychology world calls it egocentric. The layperson calls it self-centered. Selfish ambition is something that we are in conflict with our entire lives. At 2 years old it’s a plastic hammer that makes construction sounds and a set of Spiderman sleepwear. At 35 it’s a spouse that leaves the marriage due to disinterest with the same old husband or wife. At 50 it’s more money and upward mobility in the company. At 65 it manifest itself as jealousy over not retiring with as much stuff as the neighbor or the coworker.

King David felt it when he wrote in Psalm 51: 3-5 NIV:
3 “For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.”

What a depressing passage of scripture. Just reading these verses does not give one a sense of hope in overcoming this fallenness that we live in. Luckily, the Hebrew Bible, our Old Testament is not the end of the story.

Paul writes in Romans 3:21-24 NIV:
“But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

The word “justify” in this passage is key. Justify is an old carpentry term. It means to line something up. From early on in our lives we have been out of line. We are incapable of staying inside the lines that God has drawn for us. It’s only through Jesus Christ that we are put back in line, straightened up, made right, justified.

Fallenness

Selfishness

Darkness

Depravity

These are not the end

Grace

Love

Hope

Justification

Only through Christ Jesus

Cycle

I love to go white water rafting. Living in Tennessee, it’s not too far of a drive to get to the Ocoee River, one of the better strips of white water in the country. There’s a thrill in the feel of being at the mercy of the river with swift moving water and rocks all around you protected only by your little rubber boat and the knowledge of your river guide. Occasionally people fall overboard in the middle of a rapid and have to float further downstream where the other members of their boat can pull them back in. On one trip however, a friend of mine was met with a bit more excitement. He happened to fall out of the raft in a rapid that had created a vortex near some large rocks. He regaled us with the story afterwards of how he was sucked under the water and couldn’t surface due to the cyclical nature of the vortex. He said, “I was kicking and swimming to get to the surface but the rapid kept cycling me back through over and over. I couldn’t break free. Finally, the rapid released its hold on him and vomited him back to the surface again, coughing and sputtering, but overall, fine.

Cycles

I often use the concept of getting stuck in a cycle with many of my therapy clients. So many of them seem to be miserable in their life circumstances but feel stuck, as if they can’t escape their struggles. “I just can’t go on like this anymore,” “What am I supposed to do now?” What’s fascinating is that the majority of the people sitting across from me on the couch in my office know what is wrong. They even know what they should do to fix the dilemma that they’re currently in. As their counselor, I often ask the surprising question, “What do you think you should change in order to fix your problem?” Many of them look up, confused, perhaps wondering why the person they’ve come to to get the answers is the one asking them this obvious question. It is then that I ask it again. “What do you think you should change in order to fix your problem?” I can see the cogs in their heads turning as they process this strange concept.

There is a quote commonly heard that it credited to Albert Einstein. “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” So often, we get caught in a negative cycle, knowing how to escape it, yet being continually pulled back into its grips. Maybe it’s a bad relationship, a bad habit, a string of business failures. We know the very thing that we’re doing wrong, yet we do it again and again, each time meeting with grief and distress that the outcome is the same.

Paul writes in Romans:

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”
Romans 7:15-20 NIV

Most of us know what is right and what is wrong. We just don’t do it. Life tends to happen and we make poor decisions based more on our own selfish desires rather than on the desires reflecting God’s nature. This cycle of selfishness and “I want” mentality keeps our cycle running strong generation after generation. Paul says that we are incapable of escaping this cycle left to ourselves. In fact, try as we might to do good, we continue to do evil. Only Christ living in us can transform us into the creation that God intends for us to be; a creation that brings glory to Him.

Greed

Money is one of those topics that we rarely want to hear talked about when it comes to religion. The stereotype of course is the preacher who stands up in front of the congregation at budget time each year and preaches a rousing sermon about tithing and how God expects everyone to give according to his or her means.

Scripture speaks much more about money than just giving to the local church. In fact, money is one of the most frequently talked about topics anywhere in scripture; especially when it comes to the topic of greed. Jacob stealing Esau’s birthright, the money changers in the temple, and Judas’ betrayal of Christ are just a few examples of people who gave up their morals and ethics for the almighty dollar. Ok, so none of them used dollars but you get the idea.

All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." 1 Peter 5:5b

The almighty dollar is used today, however. Nearly any person can take a moment, stop, and think of a person he or she knows that compromised his or her values and ethics for a few extra American greenbacks. Oftentimes, the excuse is, “It’s nothing personal. It’s just business.” This theory maintains that what is done in business has no connection with what is done in one’s personal life. Sometimes business is separated from all other aspects of life. Church may take place on a Sunday morning and then early on Monday a cutthroat business deal may transpire destroying people’s very livelihoods in order to save a few dollars.

How easily we separate and rationalize the decisions we want to make in order to help our stomachs and our heads digest them a little more easily. Good companies that began for noble reasons oftentimes take a turn toward insatiability and greed seeming to never be full and always wanting more. Corporate Financial Gluttony has perhaps been one of the Satan’s greatest tools in America. It conveniently gives us something seemingly valuable and stable to strive for, all the while slowly whittling away at our souls.

I heard a recent story of a small business owner who used less than honorable tactics to do away with an employee thus producing more profit for his business. The company was not doing well and he needed to cut a salary. Rather than laying the employee off, he resorted to “business” tactics. He verbally abused the employee hoping that he would have enough, get frustrated, and simply quit the job. The employee stood firm so the businessman had to resort to harsher tactics. He loaded the employee down with so much work (outside of the employee’s expertise) that the employee was sure to fail. Naturally, the employee began to make some mistakes in his work. Threats of termination were mixed with the silent treatment as the business owner refused to make eye contact and talk with the employee. Finally, the business owner walked in unexpectedly one Friday and fired the employee. No explanation, no severance package, just, “You’re done. Leave.”

Now this situation could have been handled much more professionally and with a touch of humanity in the mix in order to preserve relationships and not burn bridges. Dare we even mention an addition of Christian ethics and values into the business world to treat others the way we would want to be treated? Oftentimes, however, this is not the case as it cost additional money. Treating someone with respect and dignity in the workplace takes effort. Effort on one front causes decreased productivity on another. Decreased productivity leads ultimately to less revenue which leads to an impossibility to treat others with respect the next time around the cycle.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert.” 1 Peter 5:6-8a

Another example is that of corporate America. I heard another story of a company that was initially created to make a difference in people’s lives. It was a humanitarian effort; all about helping people help themselves. It quickly morphed into a machine of bad policy and poor ethics where employees were forced to work less at changing lives and to work more at making the company money. The machine grew and grew opening up new branch after new branch until it could barely sustain itself. One day, a tiny pin was thrown into one of the cogs of the machine and it started to sputter, clink, and clank. Greed had pushed the business leaders to spread themselves too fast and too thin. The business began to ache and rumors spread about collapse and closing. Ultimately people lost their jobs, their sense of purpose, and their trust in the company that was at first created to empower others. (It doesn’t hurt to mention that as layoffs loomed, upper level executives received end of the year bonuses that were equal to the average employee’s annual salary.) “We have to cut the budget by 20% and increase productivity by 10%. That means layoffs and increased work loads. It’s nothing personal. It’s just business.”

“Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:8b-9

And so Satan roams the earth looking for whom he might devour. If he can work himself into businesses; into the very fabric of American society where we steadily separate ourselves from our ethics, morals, values, and beliefs that we hold so dear on Sunday mornings sitting in our pew then he has us. We are his for the killing. His strategy is strong and it works.

Be wary that when we play shopkeeper in real life that real lives are affected.
Real families are affected.
Real futures are affected.
Real souls are affected.
It may be yours.

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5: 10-11

Goodness

"In the midst of pain, the real question is ‘God are you good?'"
-Lloyd Shadrach…Fellowship Bible Church-Brentwood, TN

As if I were intentionally mimicking a sardine in its oily can, I sat in church Sunday morning and awkwardly tried to cross my legs to have some sense of relief through movement. Today's topic, The Fall of Mankind. I listened intently as I was struck by much of what was said and the connection that I had to all of humanity in its brokenness.

Genesis 3 gives the reader the sense that this is the demise of mankind; a quick ending to the story before is really even gets started. It is an interesting passage, one that we sometimes study, but rarely feel the depth and severity of. To every good story, there exists a hero, a villain, a crisis, and a resolution. Genesis 3 presents humanity at perhaps its lowest point. The hero is introduced as the Creator and like a slap to the face the villain and the crisis arise together in Genesis 3 as humanity plunges into darkness. Luckily for humanity, however, the hero is inexorable and inescapable. The God of Creation begins the fight to bring humanity back. The story is epic and as in all stories of goodness and adventure, the hero comes out victorious.

By God's very nature, He must be glorified. God exists and creates everything to glorify Him. It is all of creation's job to bring glory to Him. The rocks, trees, sky, and animals all glorify God by doing what they are created to do. When a fish swims it glorifies God. When a tree blows in the breeze it glorifies God. When a river flows it glorifies God. All three of these are doing what God intend for them to do and thus bring Him glory.

Humanity is also created to glorify God. Humanity is different though. The fish, trees, and rivers are not given a choice about whether they may glorify God or not. Their purpose is already set and there is no decision on their part. This is not so with humanity; with us.

God creates with great power in Genesis 1. He creates solely by speaking. He speaks it and it is. It is all good in the beginning except for man's aloneness. Next, God provides for man in Genesis 2 by creating him a helpmate. As our story progresses we meet a surprising change in Genesis 3, however. The natural consequence of God's power and provision should be worship. Glorifying God.

Power + Provision ≠ Worship, however.

We become skewed.
We change lanes.
We spiral downward.
We crash.

Humanity realizes that there is another option. Humanity chooses rebellion. God says, "I created you. I love you. You are very good. I have a plan for you and I will do great things with you." Humanity believes a lie. Although God provides completely, humanity wants to find its own path, its own way. Humanity's way does not work.

Genesis 4 through Revelation 20 demonstrates God's relentless love and goodness in bringing His people back. God presents another option, not a Plan B, but a new way for humanity to re-choose. Through Christ, God offers us an on ramp back onto the right road; into the right direction perhaps. Through God's indescribable love, He shows humanity that we can trust his goodness, his love, and his provision. He invites humanity into His eternal delight in us.

Why all of the turmoil though? Why did God not create humanity like a fish, tree, or river? If God is as good as He says He is then why allow the pain? It's a messy question with an even messier answer. Through giving humanity a choice God risked rejection. He risked having his most cherished part of creation choose to live life apart from Him. If given a choice, however, creation can also choose to live with God. By giving humanity a choice God is showing his love.

Love in Choice

So how does one reconcile the pain and suffering in the world with God's goodness? Our faith is only as strong as our conviction that God is good. Left to ourselves, humanity is fallen and broken. Humanity cannot look at itself alone and see the goodness of God. The only basis humanity has for knowing that God is good is the cross. A God who would die to self and take the burden upon Himself to bring humanity back is a God who is none else but pure goodness and delight.

A redeemed humanity is more innocent that an unfallen humanity because a redeemed humanity has surrendered to its Creator and has chosen the gift of love that the Creator so joyfully offers. This is eternal and unfailing goodness.

Grief

Grief is something that everyone will struggle with at some point in his or her life. I have a unique perspective on grief and grief recovery as I find myself stuck in between psychology and theology. On the one hand, I am a therapist helping people work through their grief, but on the other I am a Christian who knows that there is a greater purpose in life and in death that not one of us can fully understand. Just recently, I was approached by an individual who has been plagued by the death of a child. The emotion and the turmoil were evident by the droves of tears that cascaded down his face. This individual’s guilt, hopelessness, and helplessness were almost overwhelming. Upon discovering this client on my schedule I consulted with other mental health professionals about the best way to handle this situation. It was interesting when all mentioned separately that connecting the bereaved with a local faith organization was central to promote healing.

American society prides itself on its adeptness at achieving and overcoming. Children are taught from birth to succeed and push forward. “Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” some have said. There comes a point, however, when the pain is so present and so real that no amount of self-will will allow a person to jump the hurdle that confronts that person in life. This is the point where a person must look beyond him or herself and find healing through others or through someone more powerful than any mortal man. This is when a person is humbled and falls upon their knees praying for relief from God who gives graciously.

Perhaps a person’s character may be measured by where he or she turns when testing comes. Money, power, authority, and stability all may provide comfort for a short time, but it is when the real struggles are upon us that we see where we ultimately put our trust. All of the therapy, the antidepressants, and the heart to heart talks with loved ones will help with those painful feelings, but faith in a God that is greater than death will ultimately heal.

So often when facing a grieving person, it’s difficult to know what to say. While this is certainly not the time to cram religion down someone’s throat (not that anytime is a good time to do that) a thoughtful card reminding the person that prayers are being offered in their name may be helpful. Perhaps even praying with the grief stricken person may be helpful. Prayer is a powerful and when at our lowest our connection with God will raise us up. He is many things to many people, but He is Healer to all.