Risk

I was driving to work this morning rockin’ out to a little music, Third Day’s new album to be exact. If you haven’t heard it then you should buy it. It’s phenomenal. If you can’t afford it, I have every word to every song memorized and would be delighted to sing it to you. I’ve found that in my line of work I really have to have pep talks and pump up time before I brave the day of emotions and tears. I drove and thought about the times in my life when I took a chance and charged ahead and also the times when I was timid and had to say “no” to certain opportunities that approached me.

I often find in counseling sessions that people get stuck when they feel like they have no other options. When they feel like their back is to the wall and they’re drowning is often when depression and anxiety rears its ugly head. I try to show them that there are, in fact, options. One of my favorite phrases to tell these folks is, “The person who has options has power.” Sometimes the options are polar opposites, however. A person has to choose to either be spontaneous or to be responsible and conservative. A person has to choose to spend money or to save it. A person has to choose to stay in an unhealthy relationship or to end it.

I thought back several years about a unique opportunity I had while I was in graduate school. While working for the YMCA, I earned my Commercial Drivers License so I could drive full size buses. It benefited the camp I worked for and it benefited me because I was able to drive for church and other activities as well. One of the camp directors’ wives works for a music management company in Nashville. She came to me with the idea of going on the road with one of her bands and driving their tour bus for a year. I was left with a decision to make. I was in the middle of my graduate school program, yet touring with a band sounded pretty fantastic as well; the opportunity of a lifetime.

As I sit here in my counseling office, it’s obvious which option I chose. Sometimes I feel like a wimp for often choosing the more conservative option. Obviously the more responsible decision was to not take a year long break from graduate school and to press on toward the long term goal. There’s nothing morally or ethically wrong with this at all but it makes me think about how it might transplant into other areas of my life as well.

We often joke around my office about my chronic singleness. One of the other therapists and I collaborated on a theory about why women often choose jerk guys. I’m a guy and a therapist. It takes a certain type of person to do this type of job. I listen well, talk about feelings easily, and am caring and compassionate naturally. It’s not an act that I put on for my working hours. It’s who I am as an individual. My coworker suggested that perhaps women view my niceness, empathy, caring, etc. as boring, weakness, or “not strong.” Opposite this, he suggested that perhaps women view jerk guys as exciting, strong, and adventurous. This is certainly a generalization, but perhaps there is some validity to it as well.

Last night, while watching PBS, I saw a show on this guy that studies baboons in Africa. (I’m well aware that making the statement that I was watching PBS does not increase my chances of being seen by women as adventurous and strong. It was a good show nonetheless.) He said that the alpha males in the pack of animals were the ones who were the aggressive, violent, and “jerk” baboons. They were concerned with fighting, conquest, and intimidation of the smaller females. The other males were more concerned with social concerns such as grooming other members of the group and caring for the females. He followed this group of baboons for years and at one point, the group of animals contracted an illness from eating tainted meat from a garbage dump. All of the alpha male baboons quickly died out from the illness. Those males who were more passive, easy going, and concerned with social concerns became sick but did not die. The guy in the show hypothesized that the fact that the more “passive” baboons cared for others actually made them stronger as individuals. They were more healthy (somehow they measured their blood pressure and blood nutrient levels) and the females were more apt to care for them while they were sick than they were to care for the alpha males. The most interesting part was this. As time progressed after the illness period, new alpha males tried to join the group and take control. The more social males and especially the females forced the new alpha males to conform to the new social way of doing things in the group. It’s as if, after experiencing caring, warmth, and empathy, the group concluded that they preferred this type of treatment from other members.

So, I’m not a jerk and I’m certainly not intimidating so where does that leave me? I thought that maybe I could move to Africa and live with baboons but then I’m a red head and I have pretty fair skin. I would probably get sunburned a lot, especially since I would have to leave my butt hanging out so that I fit in with the baboons (Pause here for mental picture). I figure I fit in better with American society though. I’ll probably just stay here and try to live my life the way God calls me to live it, with patience and trust in Him.

Jesus is a risky guy.

He’s not just the Alpha male.

He’s the Alpha and Omega male.

(That last line was so horrible I couldn’t help but leave it in the final draft of this post.)

While I was thinking about my level of conservativeness vs. riskiness., I determined that I really am a fun person to be around even though I’m not a jerk. I’m spontaneous at times and can do and say some pretty crazy stuff on occasion. Most of the time I try to treat people the way I would want to be treated. I try to be more like Jesus, using his life as my measuring stick. Now, obviously I fail often, but it takes a lot of strength to follow Jesus.

Does your faith involve any risks? Sometimes I look at my life compared to people in other parts of the world and my life seems so simple. At other times, I wonder if it’s harder to have faith in a culture that embraces it fairly openly. I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt, where practically everyone knows who Jesus is. I went to the Grand Ol’ Opry the other night and the whole place erupted in cheers when Randy Houser played a new song “In God’s Time.”

I think the risk in having faith in the Bible Belt is the challenge to have authentic faith. A great number of people attend church weekly but how many have a strong faith that daily calls them to die to self? Dying to self is risky. It involves strength in the form of releasing control. Control and strength usually go together but not in Jesus’ upside down kingdom.

Choosing to be meek over being pretentious.

Choosing to not lash back at a wounded person who lashes out at you.

Choosing to spend time with the kids even though you’re exhausted when you get home from work.

Choosing to sit and listen to your wife as she tells you about her bad day even though Sports Center is on.

These are Jesus’ adventures and strength.

Granted, the majority of things in this post are conclusions drawn from making assumptions and generalizations. Some are meant for humor while others are meant to make us think about things a little differently. One thing that will never be generalized, though, is Jesus’ teaching on love. He calls us to love other people. People are messy, dirty, and nasty sometimes. Loving people is risky.

This is the adventure that Jesus invites us to.

So, just like the children’s books where you get to choose your own adventure, so Jesus gives us the choice. Will you choose to serve Jesus conservatively and take no risks or is Jesus worth taking a risk on? Is He worth putting “self” to the side and embracing love?

Today’s challenge is to live like a rebel. Be risky. Love recklessly. Embrace the adventure.