Hero

I had dinner with a friend the other night at Panera. We sat across the table from one another chatting as we ate. I tore away at my steaming Broccoli Cheddar soup in a bread bowl and coffee while she sat looking downtrodden eating her Cliff Bar and water. She said she didn’t need to spend any money. I offered to buy her dinner but she said “no.” I think she said “no” because she thought that if I bought her dinner then it would have made it a date and then she would have had to give me a goodnight kiss or something. Clearly, having thought this through, she stuck with the Cliff Bar.

Our conversation snaked its way from work stories to concerts we had attended to people we had dated. We talked about whom we had crushes on and how those crushes were either ignorant or oblivious to our existence. She gave me advice about women and I gave her advice about men. She told me how girls overanalyze everything that guys do in dating and freak out over little things like text messages. She said that guys just seem to have an “I don’t care” attitude sometimes and like to see girls squirm. I rebutted by saying that guys oftentimes do and see the same thing in the opposite direction. We have bro-talks about what a certain look means or what is encrypted in that text message that you ladies replied with. Then we have secret NATO planning meetings to plot our angle of attack in order to achieve the most successful and comprehensive victory on the objective at hand with the least amount of causalities possible (getting you girls to go out on a date with us without you turning us down).

She said that our guy meetings didn’t sound very romantic. I jokingly said that I wasn’t really worried about romance since I obviously wasn’t getting a kiss that night anyway. She had finished her Cliff Bar at this point.

I asked her what the girl version of our guy meetings were. She said that when girls have crushes on guys they often talk with their friends and create an elaborate fairytale fantasy around the whole situation. I instantly pictured two people running toward each other in slow motion on a beach at sunset and embracing in the foaming surf. Then they would probably get on a unicorn, ride off together into a wooded glade and have sex with colorful flowers and butterflies flitting around them. The girl would be wearing a sundress and the guy would likely be from Sweden, have long hair, big muscles, and walk around with his shirt partially unbuttoned.

I nodded confidently as if I could relate to exactly what she was thinking by the idea of a fairytale. I think I got what she was saying though. She wants a hero; someone strong and noble to be the man. And I may be wrong, but I don’t think the strength has to be enormous muscles necessarily. I think strong character goes a long way with women, the good ones at least. It made me think about what a hero actually is. What makes a hero a hero?

What is it that a hero has that others don’t?

Sacrifice
A hero is willing to put himself on the line in order to save someone else. Every hero goes through a time of testing and danger to save someone else. He goes up against all odds and risks it all to achieve the goal. There’s a chance of failure yet he volunteers to dive in headfirst anyway not truly knowing what the outcome may bring. It may bring death or it may bring victory. Either way, the hero trudges onward.

Nobility
A hero is willing to risk rejection for a greater good. A noble person does the right thing no matter if it is popular or not. Others may curse at or spit upon him. Groups may sneer at him and accuse him wrongly. He may lose all his friends or even his family but he stands up for what he believes in; for what he knows is right.

Selflessness
A hero is willing to see beyond himself into the lives of others. He realizes that the greater good lies beyond himself and his own comfort. He may endure some unpleasant hardships against his will in order to better all people but he is willing to do it anyway.

Loyalty
A hero is willing to stay the course even when it gets hard. There are times when the hero looks down the two paths. One seems easy and the other hard. The hero will take “the one less traveled by.” He will stay true to his word even if it brings him some struggle because his love outweighs any pain that he might endure.

Servanthood
A hero is willing to use his power to help those who are without power. He recognizes that he has a gift and has been given an opportunity. He knows his purpose and is willing to give of himself openly and generously.

We’re familiar with the story of a hero. Every movie has the element of a hero in it. Ok, well any movie of any substance. I just saw Jackass 3D and I can’t say that I could pick out the hero in that movie. It’s on its way to winning best picture of the year for sure though. Most movies do have a hero somewhere in the plot though.

We like stories about heroes. There’s something bold and beautiful about seeing someone trapped in a inescapable tangle of danger and the hero swooping in at the last second to save the day. Whether it’s the young virgin trapped in the tower of the evil black knight or Arnold saving his daughter in Commando, we can somehow relate to these movies. They invite excitement and emotion. They connect us to our neediness and brokenness. They remind us that we need rescuing.

If we’re honest, though, all of these heroes aren’t real. Even the ones that are real, such as our own military guys and gals, can’t live up to these standards completely. If you’re looking for a real hero then you ought to consider looking to Jesus. He gave it all. He took on everything and he won. The war is over. His noble sacrifice of selfless loyal service proved too much for the powers of darkness. Evil tried everything to bring him down. The good news (some call it the Gospel) is that evil didn’t even come close. It wasn’t even a real contest. Game. Set. Match. Jesus wins!

So ladies (and gentlemen), if a fairytale (hero) is what you’re looking for then it’s yours. Jesus invites you into the deepest most satisfying soul fulfilling relationship you could ever imagine. He sits beside you as you read this and embraces you. He speaks to you and you can hear him say,

“I’m here for you.”

“You can trust me.”

“I think about you often.”

“I won’t ever leave you.”

“I love you matchlessly and wholly.”

“I’ll rescue you.”

Wait and Listen

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. The conversation did not end because we said our goodbyes but because she hung up on me. I’ve heard it said that you should not approach a sore subject when you’re still mad at someone but then I read somewhere in the Bible once where it said not to let t he sun go down while you’re still angry with someone. I guess I’m compromising and writing about it. I also went to Fred’s and bought an M & M ice cream cookie sandwich and a Coke which made the situation much more palatable.

The conversation with my friend took a turn for the worse when I began to try to fix her problems rather than listening to her vent about them to me. This is one of those issues that I plan to ask God about when I meet him face to face one day. This whole idea of men and women being wired so differently has produced a great amount of anxiety in my life and I’m only 27.

I’m a guy. We fix things. I think about an old episode of the Cosby Show where Cliff finds out that something in the house is broken and goes to get his tool belt to fix the problem. The whole family goes into crisis mode and begs Cliff to call a repairman because they know that he always makes things worse when he tries to fix something. He isn’t as handy as he thinks he is.

To know that there’s a problem and to force oneself to sit and listen to it without offering some input is painful at times. Sometimes in counseling sessions I sit and do the stereotypical counselor things such as offering empathetic grunts and reflective phrases. Sometimes I do it to show I’m intently listening to the person. Other times I’m just sleepy and I do it because it keeps me awake. Still at other times the person needs to talk so I try to keep my advice to myself. To listen, wait, and not act is excruciating sometimes. Sometimes, though, it seems that that is the very thing that is the most beneficial.

My conversation with my friend made me think of how God must look at me sometimes. I was trying to gain some wisdom about a relationship situation recently and decided on the novel idea of seeing what scripture said about it. Scripture threw out an obvious “Wait” sign. Unfortunately, that was not the wisdom I was looking for. I was certain that waiting could not be the best thing to do. I’m a guy. We fix things. We don’t wait around. I began to look for ways in which I might influence the situation; to twist and weave my life in with others’ so as to help God come to the goal that I was certain that He and I both knew was best.

Sometimes I think about God and what He must think of me. I’m certain that He loves me. I’m also certain that he has those days when He just looks down at me scratching and shaking his head asking Himself, “What in the world is he doing now?”

My plan rarely works out the way I plan for it to. In fact, when I keep my mouth shut, listen to God, and wait on Him, His ideas turn out to be far better in the end. So I sit and I painfully try to wait on God and the plan I know that He has in store for me. I try to listen for when He will lean down and whisper for me to take the next step. It is in the waiting for the whisper that our relationship with Him grows. It is in the time spent listening that we learn to put aside our plans and embrace His.

Contrast

Growing up in the city offers specific cultural learning experiences. Having been a city boy for most of my life, trips to the country have always offered a unique kind of cultural experience. Therefore, I was educated when I went to my first ever Drive-In movie in the great city of Lewisburg, TN. I was fortunate enough to have one of my best friends, Sara, accompany me on this adventure. Sara lives in the country and translated for me at times when I saw things that I did not understand. Lewisburg is one of those places that you drive through and can just tell that life is slower. There were some people throwing a ball around on an old baseball field where clumps of grass were clearly visible in the infield from lack of upkeep. Fields with cows turned into old rundown buildings which turned into a Wal-Mart parking lot and then faded again into fields of corn and cows. I think I even spotted the stereotypical old man wearing a cowboy hat leaning on a fencepost chewing on a piece of straw at one point.

I grew up in the city. Suburban Nashville. We lived in a neighborhood on a quarter of an acre of land surrounded by a chain link fence. There was just enough room between houses to fit a car down the driveway. In any given day while driving around Nashville I could pass by 7 or 8 Wal-Marts. There are about 4 gas stations within every mile driven. We don’t have livestock. One time, though, I’m almost sure that I was driving through a neighborhood and a Shetland pony ran across the road and almost hit my car before darting back to the shoulder. It was all a blur. Terrifying.

Sometimes I look up at the sky when I’m driving home at night. All I see is darkness though, along with the occasional Southwest Airlines plane beginning its final approach to the airport. When you’re in the city, the light of the city snuffs out the stars. The busyness and activity desensitizes us to the beauty that lies just above us. The moon is often dim. The heavens look dirty.

When I was in Lewisburg at the drive-in that night, I was annoyed by a glare out of the corner of my eye. I tried readjusting my positioning so that my sight was not hampered by the jerk who was shining a light in my face beside us. I turned my head ever so slightly and realized that it was actually the moon shining like a spot light in my eyes and surrounded by thousands of stars. The movie disappeared for a moment as I stared in awe of this thing that I rarely see. It was so brilliant against the backdrop of blackness, so big, so infinite.

It made me think about how maybe the busyness and the stuff I surround myself with in my life dims my heart from experiencing God. Are things moving so fast and schedules packed so tightly that I miss the most important Thing? Has my mind gotten so muddied and so dirty with all of the cultural garbage that I am slowly going blind to that which is meaningful?

I purposely did not watch television last night. Ok, so it was Monday night and I only get 9 channels and nothing was on anyway. I tried watching the Bachelorette reunion show but then I felt like a loser, a guy sitting in my apartment, alone, watching the Bachelorette reunion show. The point is, I turned the TV off. It was painful to sit in silence with God. I disliked it. I grabbed my netbook and thought about seeing what I could find on Hulu but put it back down again. I kept glancing at my phone sitting next to me hoping that I would get a text from someone...anyone. Nothing. I sat with God for what seemed like forever…and it hurt. After 15 minutes has passed it began to get easier. I almost liked it somewhat. I might try it again soon.

Try it sometime yourself.

God will stop by if you invite him over to chat or to just sit and hang out.

It is in the differences from normal life that the best things stand out.

It took a night sky at the Drive-In with a good friend to notice the moon and stars perched above me.

It took a conscious effort of tuning out the world to notice that the Father was sitting on the couch right next to me.

What’s the most surprising; He had been there all along.

Questions

QUESTION #1
While dawdling in my office one afternoon, fixated on my computer monitor which is strategically tilted away from the door, I busily clicked away on Facebook. It was a light afternoon thus I decided to “Go online” and see if anyone worth chatting with was available. Unsuspectingly, a former coworker popped up sending greetings. We exchanged pleasantries before she made this statement. “Hey there’s been something on my mind that I’ve been meaning to ask you but I’m afraid you’ll get mad or offended.” An interesting way to begin a conversation but as my interest was now ablaze I asked her to continue. She said, “So I was on Facebook the other day with a friend of mine and your picture popped up on the newsfeed. HE thought you were very cute. I was wondering if you were gay because you two would be great together.” Ha, haha, hahaha, cough, vomit in mouth a little, haha. “Umm, sadly no, I’m not gay. Tell your friend thanks anyway and that I’m flattered,” I replied.

QUESTION #2
I was met with my second unexpected question later the same week. Once again, sitting in my office, the young lady that is interning with me asked this question, “Can I ask you a personal question?” “Sure,” I replied. “What sin do you struggle with the most?” It was a blunt, ‘to the point’ question with teeth that just sticks to your heart when it’s asked. It took me aback for a second because in my 26 years of life, no one had ever asked it in that blatant a manner. So we discussed it and it was refreshing to me.

QUESTION #3
My question is this. Why don’t we ask one another the tough questions more often? In the faith circles I grew up in her question was inappropriate. Things of that nature shouldn’t be asked like that. We need to have more respect for one another and honor the boundaries of confidentiality in personal faith. Faith is to be between us and God not us and other people, right?

James says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16 (NASB)

QUESTION #4
When will we begin being real with those that we surround ourselves with? I heard a speaker at church one time make the statement, “We come in here and act like life is good and we have it all together. I love Jesus and Jesus loves me. Amen! God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Amen! No struggles here. No sin here. No worries here. We even act like all those cars out in the parking lot are paid for and we don’t even have financial worries.” I challenge everyone to have a real conversation about their faith this week with someone. It could be a family member, a best friend, or even with me. Ask the inappropriate questions. Be disrespectful of the norms of the church that you were raised in. Be real. Be open. Be honest. Grow.

Surrender

The Exodus is possibly one of the greatest book is the Bible. Filled with all the excitement of a Rated “R” movie minus the nudie scenes and colorful language. I began reading this great book just for fun, not really studying, just enjoying the story. Perhaps it was my natural perceptive nature or maybe it was God smacking me in my arrogant face with a principle that I have been struggling with for some time. Whatever the reason, I was irritated with God.

Joseph (the one with the rainbow coat that his dad got him from Macy’s) is dead. The new pharaoh of Egypt could care less about these Israelite people. In fact he’s a little intimidated about how many of them there are. He decides that the best course of action is to make them slaves. They are slaves for a good long while, time enough for Moses to be born, grow up, kill a guy, run away, get married, get called by God, argue with God about his calling, and finally realize that he doesn’t have a say in the matter and do what he’s told. I have heard that all of this takes place in approximately 110 years give or take.

Exodus 2:23-24 (NLT)
“Years passed, and the king of Egypt died. But the Israelites continued to groan under their burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their cry rose up to God. God heard their groaning, and he remembered his covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He looked down on the people of Israel and knew it was time to act.”

Had I been an Israelite, I might have asked the question, “God, why did it take you 110 years to hear our prayers and send us a deliverer?” I mean seriously, I was raised with the understanding that God heard my prayers instantly and that He had compassion on his people. Now God is God and I suppose he reserves the right to answer a prayer however He wants, but still. If the plan is to rescue Israel anyway, why not do it sooner than later? I suppose this is freedom One gets when One is the Creator of the universe.

I’m a pretty smart (and humble) guy, but I don’t presume to boast that I know how God thinks. Perhaps, though, God waited until the people were at the end of their rope, with no other option, no other way out but Him. Perhaps the people began complaining at first of the hard labor. Complaining moved onto bitterness. Bitterness moved to action and perhaps they protested the poor working conditions and formed the first Dept. of Labor staffed with the finest employees that tax dollars could buy. Protests were squelched violently and the Dept. of Labor was disbanded. Israelites began to realize that they were not in control anymore. They didn’t have a say anymore. Now why did God allow them to suffer for 110 years? Maybe it took longer for people to figure things out in those days. They did live to be pretty old after all. Perhaps it did take 110 years though.

110 years to give up

110 years to realize that they were powerless

110 years to realize that they needed something or someone bigger than themselves

110 years to wave their white flag

110 years to surrender

Surrender, after all, is what God is asking of each of us isn’t it? Time and time again, I find myself trying to control my own life. I think that the axis of the globe runs straight through my head leaving me to be the center of the world. Things would certainly run better if only everyone would ask about (and follow) my opinions. In reality, however, things topple over in my life when the focus becomes about me. I find myself tightening my grip ever so securely around my life yet find it becoming evermore so out of control. It is when I relinquish this death grip that God steps in and says, “Thanks for letting me in Daniel. I’ll take it from here. You’re gonna love this next part! I just wish you had made room for me sooner.” Then He smiles at me then blows my mind by turning my world upside down for the better. This is the God of compassion whom we serve and who values each of us so greatly.

Give up

Let go

Wave your white flag

Surrender

Counsel

I was doing chores around the house one afternoon like everyone loves to do and was struck by an arrogant but humbling idea all at once. It was a slap to the face in one sense yet an epiphany in another. I go to work from 8-5 each day Monday through Friday and sit in my nice chair in my nice office listening to people talk about their life struggles. I currently have a caseload of approximately 100 people ranging in age from 5-65 years old. While I have only been a counselor for 3 ½ years I have helped hundreds of people. I have helped people begin the road to recovery from addiction, helped them save their marriages, and helped children change their behaviors that have been making them and their parents miserable for a reason they do not even understand. I’ve celebrated with people and mourned with people. I’ve sat with them while they are in their lowest moments and seen the gleam in their eye when they came to my office about to burst because they had had a success to tell me about. I work hard to do my job well and I am good at my job. It was not what I learned in school that prepared me for this field, but my personality, my ability to connect with people and show them that if no one else in the world cares about their struggles, I do. It’s who I am. I am successful at it.

My epiphany came about, however, when I saw the antithesis to my arrogant, self parading, exaggerated view of myself. I looked at myself and saw someone who struggles with loneliness, anxiety (as I’ve been biting my fingernails down for the good part of 2 decades now), trust, and motivation. True, I’ve saved marriages, helped people work through their suicidal thoughts, advocated for abused children, and ministered to the less fortunate, but I’m just as much of a mess as they are. It took all that was within me to ask someone for a date recently. Upon receiving a “yes” answer, it took significant counsel from a public relations specialist, a middle school teacher, a consulting representative, a PhD, a marriage and family therapist, and an intern to determine what the heck this whole dating thing is and how I should handle it. I spent time gathering information, getting opinions and suggestions, and plotting my course before setting off into a world I know nothing about.

I wonder sometimes if this is how we are in our Christian lives. I suspect that each of us who grew up in the church or has been there for some time knows all of the right things to say or do. I suspect that we could read through a list of decisions that people have made an easily determine whether they are moral, legal and ethical or not based on our view of God’s will for our lives. We know the textbook phrases to use when consoling someone at a funeral or what to tell someone who is struggling with something in the church. If we’re really good, we even know where to find the verses to back up what we are saying (unless you’re me then you’re very adept at using the online concordance).

When it comes to our own lives, however, we struggle. If someone tells me that they don’t feel close to God I may tell them to pray more, read their Bible, and go help some other poor soul to make themselves feel closer to God. When I don’t feel close though, I flail around and wonder what it is that I should do and why God isn’t treating me fairly. Why have you forsaken me God? Why the loneliness? Why now?
One of the most absurd things that a professor ever told me in counseling was that we had to remain mentally healthy in order to help those who were not mentally healthy. It was a good concept, but it was flawed, for we will always struggle with something. There will always be challenges. Strangely, however, it will always be easier to help someone else out of a mess than to get out of a mess when it’s clawing at your own heart. Jesus said in Matthew 7:5, “Hey psycho, before you start trying to screw in everyone else’s life how about you get your own junk together rather than pointing fingers at him and laughing.” (Ok, that was slightly paraphrased but you get the point.)

So as we continue on this journey throughout life, let’s work with one another to balance the burden. I’ll keep working on myself. You keep working on yourselves, and we’ll both support one another and lift each other up during those times when a little help is needed. The best news is that Jesus is on our side to carry the burden right along with us. In fact, he takes the weight off of us. He has already won. That is where my confidence lies. In fact, I can be so confident in his victory that nail biting becomes a relic of the past (until my next date this is).

Parallels

Who doesn’t love a good romance story? Well, probably a lot of people. Stereotypically guys don’t care for them much, but most guys secretly do enjoy them I believe. I know a lady who said that her husband loves to watch them with her because he knows he’s going to get lucky afterwards. Having taken part in my own quasi-romance story, I have discovered an interesting parallel between this human relationship and our relationship with God.

My relationship started as most do, with a glance. The glance turned into a greeting which turned into flirting which turned into a date which turned into dating. I treated this woman like a queen. Flowers, cards, cooked meals, back rubs, kindness, quality time, the whole bit. I had done everything that I knew to do to make this woman feel special; to show her how I felt. To many, I would have been the ultimate boyfriend. I am even a good listener for goodness sakes (I am a counselor after all).

About 2 months in she reciprocated my affection in her own way by informing me that we should just be friends. I was crushed. It had been 4 years since I had had anything more than the proverbial nibble when it came to someone showing interest in me. How could this be? I gave it my all!

It is heart breaking to give your all to something only to have it completely and utterly rejected. It would be one thing to be rejected if I had done something wrong like lying or cheating (I did neither mind you), but to just be rejected just because, it’s shattering.

This relationship, or lack thereof, made me think about my relationship with God. I gave nothing to this woman in comparison to what God has given to me. God says to me, I can give you life at its best. I want a relationship with you. Your life won’t be perfect while you’re on earth, but let’s walk this journey together, side by side. God says, I will dote on you and give you more than you’ll ever need. I chose you and called you by name and I love you.

Then that uncomfortable scene in the movie takes place. It’s the scene in the movie when the guy professes his love for the girl. She looks at the ground awkwardly before looking up and saying that she does not feel the same.

God professes his love for me and I look back and say “Thanks God, you know, I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you and stuff, but I just want to be friends right now. It’s not you. It’s me. I mean, you’re a great God and all I just think I’m not ready for something serious right now. Maybe I’ll see you every Sunday for an hour at church or something. I hope this won’t make it awkward for us.”

God is perfect. He didn’t lie or cheat. His only crime was giving me a taste of what the wonders of life inside a relationship with Him would be like. This relationship would be different from the one I offered this young lady. This relationship would be for eternity; one day bringing me to heaven to live fully in His presence. Yet when offered eternity, oftentimes I tell God that I just want to be friends. I reject God’s offer. I break His heart. My excuses are many. I have a lot going on. Work, activities, friends, activities with friends from work. I’ll give God a piece of my time just like everything else gets but not all of me. I won’t let him into the deepest parts of me.

This brings about conflict because God in his essence demands to have all of me. “We are his people the sheep of his pasture.” We belong to God. God loves me unconditionally and jealously. He will have no other person or thing before himself when it comes to filling up my hearts.

So I must choose. If I am like my “friend” I will choose to be separated; living life outside of a relationship with God. God, out of love will let me go but never stop loving me.

If I look toward God, though, and say ‘yes’ to Him, then He invites me into a relationship…

so amazing

so wonderful

so deep

so pure

…that nothing will ever compare to it.

God is smitten with you and with me. He has already chosen you. Will you choose Him back?